“God loves it when we are together… Psalm 133
Yet this world is actively seeking to divide us…
• Satan doesn’t like unity… the enemy would like nothing more than to drive this body of believers a part…
• “Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.” 1 Peter 5:8
• This is a warning to the individual and the church… Don’t fall for it, don’t allow the devil to use hurt to drive you from the church…
God’s in the business of restoration… the enemies in the business of broken relationships and fellowship…
• We’ve all been hurt… and if we’ve been in church long enough, we’ve all been hurt in church… on the other end of it… we’re going to miss it, all of us… we must have grace toward one another…
Matthew 18
Our faith and any greatness for the kingdom must start in humility… Jesus warns us not to be stumbling blocks… the enemy uses good people… we must ask God to guard our hearts and lives from being anyone’s stumbling block… Then He tells us to deal radically with sin… Jesus sets before us an example of how we are to deal with those that lose their way…
So it in this context that Jesus shows us how to bring healing to the church…
• The condition of our heart needs to be humble, we need to have childlike faith, we need to remove from our lives things that would cause others to stumble, and deal radically with sin, and finally God is calling us to pursue those that have lost their way…
• Doing these things are removing the planks from our own eyes, and preparing our hearts to be ready to walk through heartache & conflict in a Christlike way…
Now to the process…
“If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother.”
• We cannot place the expectations of a believer on a non-believer… they are the lost sheep we are pursuing…
• The perspective shifts… it’s not just about how much they have wronged me… it’s about how much they need Jesus…
• Then “If” they’ve sinned against you… let us not come easy to offense… let us not assume the worst in people…
But if they are a brother, and they have sinned against you, go to them in private, go to them humbly, pray through, and honestly talk about what’s going on…
• Not with an eye to be right, but with a heart the desires to restore broken relationship…
Some practical things about these conversations:
• Ask God for help, and to be present… ask God to clear the noise from your mind, that you can hear well enough to see from their perspective…
• As you speak… talk about your own feelings and thoughts… don’t assume on others… be brief, and don’t repeat yourself unless you need to give clarity…
• As you listen… truly listen, don’t just wait for your turn to speak… put your agenda on hold… either paraphrase or repeat their words back to them so you make sure you’re on the same page… make sure they’re done speaking before you share again…
Be respectful in your conversation…
Respect is not a feeling, it’s how we treat each other… respect their right to:
• space and privacy…
• be different/ preferences…
• disagree…
• be heard…
• be taken seriously…
• be given the benefit of the doubt…
• be told the truth…
• be imperfect and make mistakes…
• be treated kindly/ hurtful words…
“But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every fact may be confirmed.”
Notice up until this point there hasn’t been coalition building…
If they will not hear that, take one or two mature Spirit lead believers with you, and pursue them with the desire for restoration of the brokenness in the relationship… honest brokers that will mediate justly and seek healing as well…
“If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.”
Go to church leadership after that… Again with the desire to restore relationship…
• Not to bring a judge, jury, and executioner to the fight… the hope is healing but if they won’t listen to you, or the others, maybe they will listen to the leadership of the church…
Many times, it’s tempting to skip ahead to this step in the process because it takes so much courage to have those conversations on your own…
• When we skip steps in this process, we go against the desire of God… and we don’t allow the God given process of dealing with conflict a chance to work…
If they still will not listen then we “let him be to you like… a tax collector”… this doesn’t mean we give up on them…
• Only our expectations and perspective shifts… they are the lost sheep, they need to come back to Jesus… It usually never gets beyond the first step…
V18-20 These verse are about conflict and restoring brothers in Christ… If we allow this to be the process by which we deal with conflict God will be with us…
V21-22, 32-35 In all of this… independent of the outcome, whether restored, or the relationship remains broken… we are not to hold grudges, but to forgive…
• Just as Jesus doesn’t hold grudges against us but in grace forgives us… Forgive them even before you have a conversation with them…
• This is only done through the grace of God within us…
God is calling us to restore what can be restored, to healing our shared hurts, and be graciously patient toward those that are not yet restored…
• If we walk well in conflict, it will bring glory to God… it will bind our hearts closer together… it will take what the enemy meant for our destruction, and turn it into something that empowers us to greater strength…”